I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
