apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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