A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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