My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
