so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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