She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
