Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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