At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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