I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
