so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
