before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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