WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sobbing to NWA
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
