Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
