No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
