so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
