evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
