So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
