an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
