honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
