Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
