His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
