Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
