i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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