I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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