I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
