hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
