Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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