He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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