This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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