Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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