Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
