So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
