Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
