god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
