I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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