I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
