Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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