Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
