I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
