I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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