Your face is a jimmy john
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
