Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
