just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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