Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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