dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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