ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
