Please don't use social media to get back at me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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