I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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