loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
