Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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