Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
