Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
