this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
