he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
