Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
