I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
