I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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