You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
MIDGETS
????
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
