She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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