At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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