Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
