There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
