I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
