Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
