I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
