there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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