i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
