if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
