apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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