"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sex in a hospital.. check
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
