Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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