Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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