the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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