I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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