Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
your room smells of hookers.
And success
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
