YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
