Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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