if you like me you must not know who I am
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
