Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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